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Here I Am

September 6, 2009

Here I am, in my new home.

Don’t mind the boxes, or the echo you hear as your feet hit the hardwood. 

It’s an adjustment, moving.  Declaring “I’m Home!” as I walk into unfamiliar territory, all the while feeling inspired, excited, and anxious. 

Home.   It’s where your heart is, they say.  Where you can shit comfortably, in your unscrubbed toilet with your toilet paper roll hung exactly the way you want. 

I hope that’s what Walking the Tightrope becomes for me.  I love my old home, but I felt stifled there.  Like I was a visitor, or better yet, a paying tenant who owed back rent and who had made more holes in the walls than was allowed.

I know my life is sweet.  Lord knows, I know that.  But unfortunately, I don’t always feel that way.  There it is on paper: life is good!  Appreciate it!  Count your blessings! 

But I’m darker than that.  I’m not cheery.  I don’t wake with the dawn and sing songs along with the birds.  And so, writing there made me feel somewhat fraudulent.  Like I couldn’t say shit and fuck and dammit, because is that what you say when life is sweet?

For the past two years, I’ve been writing what I think people would want to read at a place where Life is Sweet.  I’ve been writing authentically, yes, but what I really want to do, is write what crosses my mind as I let the steaming hot water run rivulets down my spine in the shower.  What dwells in the deepest part of my soul when I go through one of my rough patches.

My life is the tightrope – sometimes narrow, sometimes wide, always hanging over a deep chasm promising to swallow me whole if I fall.  Here, I talk about finding my balance.

Won’t you join me?

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15 comments

  1. Yay for new blogs! Love the header image too.


  2. I’m proud of you honey. Starting over is a hard thing, but it’s a good thing too. Just be you. Say what you need to say. I promise I’ll still be here listening.


  3. welcome home! thanks for inviting me in for a visit. what a lovely place you have here! i look forward to reading more.

    i am impressed that you linked to here over there. not sure i could have done that. actually i know i couldn’t, because…well…i have a new home, too. one that might cause me to be judged for the choices i’m making. i had to take that chance, because i needed to be authentic. like you i felt like i was visiting over at the old place. i’m not shutting down the old place. i can’t do that. at least not yet. i love my new place though. i’m arranging the furniture. making myself comfortable. settling in. it’s finally starting to look lived in. some people will hate that. personally, i love it.


  4. I have to say that I could feel the disconnect between you & your blog.

    Your writing is already riskier, more true — more YOU.

    Congratulations, honey. You deserve this.


  5. Mazel tov. I look forward to reading.


  6. Love it! Glad you’re more at home here. Saying fuck is good for the soul sometimes.


  7. So when’s the fucking house warming party, shit?!? Heh. Just kidding. Kinda. Congrats on the news digs.


  8. Yay! I hope it’s exactly what you want it to be (I know it will be). xoxo


  9. Love it! I wish I could say Fuck on my blog my MIL reads it,wait maybe if I say it she will stop reading. She has already damned me to hell. I think everyones life is sweet but it’s also sour to I love that you are keeping it real.


  10. Yea! Welcome home, my friend!


  11. I’m here! Love the new site!!! The header is great, who did it for you? I need a custom header. LOL

    Welcome home!!


  12. I’d love to join you, this feels good my love, it feels good to me, so I know it must feel good to you too. Like you’ve finally exhaled.


  13. Hi there! I am not a big commenter, but I wanted to say hi. I like the new place!


  14. i dig your new digs.


  15. Fuck yeah! 😉



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