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Interrupted *Updated*

September 7, 2009

I went off my meds

I know that’s the kind of thing I’m supposed to do under a doctor’s supervision.  But it just kind of… happened.

I forgot to call and get a consult for my renewal.  It was a three day weekend, and I had two pills left.  They are still sitting there, at the bottom of the bottle.  Keeping each other company.  Preparing themselves to rescue me if I can’t handle this.

I know I needed them, when I started.  I was so glad to finally see glimpses of myself shining through the darkness that was threatening to take over my life.  They did that for me.

But I don’t want them to change me.  I want to embrace my neurotic quirks – they are a part of who I am.  I want to handle my depressive episodes by tackling them, head-on, and accept the fact that I’m just not the kind of person who goes through life with a smile and a wave for passersby.

I want to.

It’s like there’s the option to see clearly, or the option to see through a kaleidoscope.  Seeing clearly seems so… normal.  So desirable.

So you choose to see clearly and it’s great!  But then, before too terribly long, you start to miss the inspiration that vivid and ever-changing colors provide.  And yeah, sometimes it’s hard to walk while looking through a kaleidoscope, but what a way to see the world! 

Which is better, in the long run?  It’s hard to say, really.

*Update* Mmmkay, so.  I talked to my doctor, and after answering some questions about my, uh… attitude, we decided that I need to continue my medication for another month, and then think about changing to something different.  So, I’m back on.  Thank you all for your support and input!

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7 comments

  1. Do what feels right. You’ll find the balance, I know. Just watch out for those barbs, okay? And, help is there if you need it – there is nothing wrong with those pills if you need them.


  2. Agree with anymommy but I definitely suggest calling your doctor tomorrow. You really need to wean off the meds SLOWLY. And if you end up needing them again, there is nothing shameful in that. Sometimes the meds bring you back to “your” normal self. Make you better. Good luck.


  3. Take care, and definitely call your dr. tomorrow just so he/she knows. Better to have some help if you need it!


  4. I agree with the other comments, nothing wrong with taking them but if you are not consult a doctor about slowly going off. Good Luck!


  5. I go back and forth on this one. Stay on, get off. Then I have a day. And I know I’m not ready.

    If you are ready, then that’s a great thing. Just watch for symptoms that can creep up on you.


  6. My wife went through a terrible depression that ended in an awful, awful way so now, as she discusses going off the meds, it scares me because I know how helpful they’ve been for her.

    But I understand her desire not to want to rely on meds, I just want her to take it slowly and I’m glad you’ve decided to do that too.

    Best of luck.


  7. I’m glad you called and are looking at making a change thoughtfully and not impulsively. Impulse can be good but, in my opinion, not when it comes to these sort of things.



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